Posted by MJ on 9:19 PM

Well. I ... today wasn't HORRIBLE. It wasn't terrific. But I can live with myself. I didn't get to exercise (still kinda sick) but here's the food list:

zone bar

diet coke

easy mac-n- cheese
yogurt w/meringue

2 mini bags of pretzels (halloween size)

McDouble (just sandwich - no extras. I said NO to fries. NO to cookies.)

3 tablespoons of cake batter

carrots and low fat ranch dip (I said NO to reese's peanut butter cup enticing me)
and I'm going to have a zone bar before bed.

I KNOW I need more protein.

Tomorrow are conferences. YAY. Home late. Food on the run -- I'm going to pack lots of GOOD food to munch on! NO PIZZA!

Thanks for all the support and advice. To answer everyone at once:

  • No, I didn't finish my 100 day burpee challenge, I made it to day 50 though!
  • Mom does try to hide the food - but in order to find things I DO NEED, I hunt. -- I end up finding bad stuff. (or like the Oreos hidden in the closet now - I know they are there)
  • Unfortunately getting her onboard in a productive way is harder, instead of not buy the stuff, she'd rather chastise at dad for eating it.
Again, thanks everyone. I'm going to be better about posting. See.. 2 days in a row! Now I'm going to finish Duplicity and head to bed. =)

40 days till Hawaii!!!
(Boss approved.. need to forward papers to the Superintendent... then I'm set!)

Posted by MJ on 7:07 PM

Technically I'm on week... umm... I kinda lost count. I will re-calculate and CONTINUE. I knew I had slipped up. I knew I let things get to me. I knew I let myself go. It was bad. It was ugly and I ignored the evidence. I knew my clothes were getting tighter, I knew I was looking plumper. I ignored it. I blamed it on my schedule, I blamed it on monopoly, I blamed it on a stressful professor, I still - partially at least- blame my mom. But I know the only REAL person to blame is me. I put the food in my mouth. I sit on the couch. I "drove-thru" for 3 meals a day. I know part of it my own sabotage thinking-- that I can't do it in this environment. (My house and current situation) but the reality is -- no matter how hard it is... I HAVE to.

I went to the doctor last week and was forced to face the numerical reality of the past 3 months. I've gained back WAY TOO MUCH. And am now headed forward on my journey. I REFUSE to buy bigger clothes. -- in fact I have TONS of motivation to move smaller again. I'm going to HAWAII!! .... and soon. DECEMBER.

My environment will be my biggest challenge. I've managed to get my fast food addiction cured -- mostly because it costs too much (and I'm saving for Hawaii). But I know once I get back in the good habits -- for whatever reasons -- it will become second nature again. Dad has mentioned getting healthy too, but right now we face the same problem(s) -- a house full of (currently) 4 candy dishes and 2 cookie jars and often several types of chips and other junk foods, including chocolate milk (tons of sugar!!). I'm going to be back on the Zone. I'm not sure exactly which plan dad wants to follow but we have to get Mom on board and I don't know how.

I've tried convincing her she needs to eat better too -- by the way she bought a bag of "blonde" Oreos on Saturday. Today they were gone. She had 3, I had 6. (or maybe 9) Dad ate the REST in 3 days. He's diabetic. Do you see the problem? Yes, I know he needs to take responsibility for his actions and what he eats -- but if it's not there to tempt him (us) isn't that easier -- at least until the new habits take hold. One of my biggest issues in my latest relapse was due to Oreos. Seriously, How do I get her on board? How do I convince her that by enabling our binging and poor eating habits she is literally helping us kill ourselves?? I'm serious. We need help. I know I can't force her to do anything but how can we get her to UNDERSTAND? It's not that we are weak willed, it's not that we don't know better, it's HARD. This whole process is hard and she isn't helping. I'm tired of using excuses (her being the biggest one) but I don't know how to do this surrounded by pastas, cookies, candy, pizza, ice cream... etc. Like I said I've tried getting her to get on board with us -- even simple things like suggesting baked chips over regular ones. (to no avail.) Ok I'm done rambling.

I'm currently recovering from "flu-like" symptoms so as soon as I'm on my feet (and my appetite returns) it will be exercise and eating healthy for me. (and hopefully Dad -- and Mom-- too)

All advice welcome.