52 Weeks....to the Real Me

07.12.2009

But First... some exercise news.

So I spent the first 4 hours of the day preparing for my math test (tomorrow). Then I rushed to the golf course, leaving my cell phone (!!) and hat ball mark behind! I really wasn't running late, but I felt rushed anyway. As I was scurrying to my cart I heard a familiar voice call my name (more about this later). So here's the interesting part, once I got settled on the cart I needed to run into the clubhouse to wet my towel (helps me keep my clubs clean). I LITERALLY ran... it was fun. I felt motivated to jog a little then I took the steps 2 at a time. It's been a LONG time (maybe never) since I just had that kind of energy.
Then just as they are about to set us off to our holes (it was a shotgun start) I realized we didn't have a blanket for the seat. (we were riding -- and the seats are vinyl - they can be uncomfortable in the sun) so I RAN.. yes really... jogged the WHOLE WAY to my car. I would estimate it to be at least 200m if not more. I even ran most of the way back. It was EASY. It felt natural. I didn't feel like a big bafoon blopping across the parking lot.
Unfortunately my golf came was a late arriver. It appeared on about hole 12. But-- our team came in third at 5 under. (not bad for having 2 bogeys!)
I came home... did only my mandated 35 burpees and finished studying my math.

Ok the good stuff. - the stuff I need advice about.

ISSUE 1
Remember that "familiar voice" that called my name? I'm confused. Last summer I met a guy. We golfed together. We had fun. As the fall arrived we started hanging out on the weekends. Movies. Drinks. "Bonfires." More golf outings. Parties. etc. Nothing ever "happened" but I did have a bit of a crush on him. We were even supposed to golf in our golf league together this year. Things were going great. I thought, anyway. Then all of a sudden (as of Nov 1) he quit talking to me. Just quit. The end. I texted a him a few times. Occasionally he'd text back. I had actually found him a little something for Christmas... he did text me a thank you while we were texting about bluray players. Then nothing again.... nothing until TODAY. Well actually, I texted him a few weeks ago to tell him about an upcoming concert I knew he'd want to see. When I heard that voice call, I looked and couldn't believe it. Here he was. At the golf course (not the one we golfed at together) Shook my hand, gave me half a hug, asked how I was, said he got my text about the concert and that he and few of his buddies were going. (but of course, I had to go get ready to golf so that was the end of the conversation.) So my confusion is this. First - why quit talking to me all of a sudden like that? Then... ok so that's the way it is.. fine... why say hi? why not let me just go about my business, it wasn't like I even knew he was there? (he looked better than ever too, I might add.) If anyone has any possible explanation for this behavior I'm really curious.

Of course the complete irony is that on the way to the course I was thinking about him. And how I liked him in much the same way I liked Luke (my ex-boyfriend) We started out having fun, being friends, and then I started to "like them." Which to me is a warning sign that they are just meant to be friends. I was thinking that maybe I only THOUGHT I liked him, but really that's what friends are. Of course, seeing him... I remember how CUTE he is! and that smile.. but anyway... he engages in some bad habits that I disapprove of -- the biggest of which is smoking. bleh.

ISSUE 2
Ok... so as I was pondering my past relationships and interactions with various people I must include the newest guy. I don't want to give away too many details but here's what I know. I've said very few words to this guy and I feel like a complete and utter idiot when I do. I never know what to say. I've found myself in his immediate proximity and become a completely bashful fool. The other day, he was in my personal space (not that I minded) but he seemed to stay there -- not saying a word either. Not necessarily looking at me or anything... just there RIGHT next to me. I don't know what to make of these feelings. I mean for those of you who know me well (or who can judge me properly from my blog) know I'm not very often at a loss for words... yet can't even imagine what to say to him. I just learned his name last week (and that's about all I know). Any advice? Could he be interested?
I will say that I know he's seen me at my worst -- a complete sweaty mess from working out-- I also think he's significantly younger than me (but out of college!) But that doesn't REALLY matter does it?

Please help.

Oh yeah. I was also thinking today (and I didn't even have long car rides today!!) that I'm really truly beginning to feel like the person I WANT to be. I think back to who I was 5 years ago, 3 years ago, even just a year ago, and I'm amazed. I don't even feel or think those ways anymore. I like it. (and I give major props to Luke for putting up with me through my extreme relationship naivete, I really had no clue.)

Sorry I have no pics for today. Although-- I would have had an awesome of two little white tail deer fawns playing on the golf course -- but since I had forgotten my camera as well as my phone... I just have the mental image. :(