52 Weeks....to the Real Me

I'm a wreck!
I interviewed for a job this week. I really want it. I can't remember wanting anything this badly. Let me explain what's happened in the past week or so.
When I got home from Illinois I started applying at Dayton area schools. I found one I was particularly interested in, so I went ahead and filled out the entire online application -- you teachers out there know how tedious that could be! Two days later a DIFFERENT school called and said that they have a 5th grade math opening and will be interviewing next week (which was THIS week). So I of course called back and we set an interview for this past Tuesday.
I began researching the area, looking at potential apartments, seeing what all the school had to offer. It is amazing. They are the size I wanted, they have the clubs, sports, and philosophies I liked. It all sounds great. Their new teachers start Aug 20. (next Thurs) so I realized that IF I get the job I would need to move ASAP. So I contacted a few apartments through Rent.com and they contacted me back. Unbelievably -- they have some immediate openings.

So Monday, I drove down to the area to check it out, see the school, look at the apartments, and attend a board meeting. As I drove around town, I fell in love -- I tried not to, I know that could mean even a bigger heartache later. They have an arena that hosts concerts, and weekend ice skating, there is a park with frisbee golf and a community theater. The center of town has a fountain and a circle, the Miami river runs through town with benches and swings all along to sit and enjoy it. Oh yeah and there is a public pool with slides, fountains, and who knows what else. There is also a hike/bike trail that goes all the way through the town.

The apartment manager/owner is awesome. She was very friendly and even invited me to join her two golf leagues plus wondered if I'd be interested in tutoring her grandson! And the apartment.. not only would it be acceptable - I love it. The rooms are big and clean and there's lots of storage and even washer/dryer hookups. To top it off, the hike/bike trail passes right behind the building. It's in a cozy neighborhood, nearby to shopping, and less than 20 minutes from the school!!

The more I drove around the more I experienced emotions that I don't know what to do with. I would get these urges where I wanted to cry... in a good way. I was just overcome with the wanting this job so badly and feeling at home in the area. I could see great ways for the "new me" to accomplish everything I want to.

Even the board meeting went well. Everyone was very friendly and I learned that the school is in good shape.

Everyone has been asking me how the interview went. I'm at a loss as to how to answer that. I mean, I think it went well, sure there are some things I'd like to add, but I'm happy with it and I hope it was enough. I hope I said enough of the right things to set me apart and above the rest.

So the rest of this week I've been a mess. I'm trying to plan what I would need to do to move if I get the job, but I'm also trying not to get my hopes too high. So I'm trying to plan what I would do at Mespo this year. I'm trying to balance my excitement and hope with the possibility of complete, devastating disappointment.

I was told I would know by the end of this week. That leaves tomorrow. I don't know how to do this, I keep playing responses in my head, I keep preparing myself for the worst, but I can't help feeling excited and optimistic. Could it really be that this was meant to be? That this is where I'm supposed to go? Everything seemed to fall into place so perfectly. But I can't afford to think this way. It will make the pain so much greater. I've already allowed myself too much excitement for this situation. I've told way too many people about it. and I want it so badly. Whenever I think about the strength of my desire for this position and move, I literally want to cry because I don't know how else to express it.

My hope is that I get called early in the morning (either way) so I don't have to torment myself all day. I have things to get excited about at Mespo this year, we have new computers, I'm going to be in the lab, my friends are all still going to be there. Right?

Anyone with advice... I'm all ears.