52 Weeks....to the Real Me

Well. I ... today wasn't HORRIBLE. It wasn't terrific. But I can live with myself. I didn't get to exercise (still kinda sick) but here's the food list:

zone bar

diet coke

easy mac-n- cheese
yogurt w/meringue
applesauce

2 mini bags of pretzels (halloween size)

McDouble (just sandwich - no extras. I said NO to fries. NO to cookies.)

3 tablespoons of cake batter

carrots and low fat ranch dip (I said NO to reese's peanut butter cup enticing me)
and I'm going to have a zone bar before bed.

I KNOW I need more protein.


Tomorrow are conferences. YAY. Home late. Food on the run -- I'm going to pack lots of GOOD food to munch on! NO PIZZA!

Thanks for all the support and advice. To answer everyone at once:

• No, I didn't finish my 100 day burpee challenge, I made it to day 50 though!
• Mom does try to hide the food - but in order to find things I DO NEED, I hunt. -- I end up finding bad stuff. (or like the Oreos hidden in the closet now - I know they are there)
• Unfortunately getting her onboard in a productive way is harder, instead of not buy the stuff, she'd rather chastise at dad for eating it.
  

Again, thanks everyone. I'm going to be better about posting. See.. 2 days in a row! Now I'm going to finish Duplicity and head to bed. =)

40 days till Hawaii!!!
(Boss approved.. need to forward papers to the Superintendent... then I'm set!)

I read that once. Of course now that I want to quote more about it, I can't remember who said it or how exactly it is said. Here's the gist:

There is no such thing as a hard decision. Decisions only seem hard when we don't like the answer.

I am in that situation. I realize that my decision was made on Thursday, but I kept an open mind. It wasn't until Sunday on my LONG drive home that I was able to look at it for what it was and come to terms with it.

I wanted SO BADLY to move to Illinois. I wanted to be part of Melissa's and her family's life. I wanted the boys to really get to know their Aunt Megan. I had visions of what life would be like. Sure, I found places that I could live in. But no where that I WANTED to live in. Nothing felt like IT, a place I could call HOME.

I feel guilty about it all. (well I did... yesterday) I dragged Dad (although he did volunteer) all around the corn country - 5 straight days of 8 hours in the car! I feel like I mislead the Wheeler family. But I remind myself the point of the trip was EXACTLY for this situation. Better to have checked it out ahead of time, rather than move blindly. I do not mean to offend those that live in Illinois, but they have no landscape. It's all corn and soybean.

As we drove home, and crossed into Ohio, I realized that I actually like Ohio. Weird as that seems. It also seemed disproportionate to move so far from MOST of my family to be near a small PART of my family. One time in my life I had that "I belong here" feeling. I didn't believe it existed, people told me about it. It's supposed to be the same feeling that tells you "he's the one" -- you just KNOW. I got that feeling walking through UD campus when I was a senior in high school. I'm wondering why it was so automatic for me to just "move home" after college. Why not stay there? (oh yeah, the whole job thing) Anyway, I did really like Cuyahoga Falls. I liked the State Park, I liked the trees, the nature, the uniqueness. (and the conveniences not too far away).

Both times in the past week when we've driven past Dayton I had a pang of "missing". I miss that area, I miss Meijiers!! But there is Yellow Springs, Young's Dairy, the Minor League Hockey Team, the UD Games --Football and Basketball, it's near to Cinci, and not too far from Columbus, there's the airbase museum and tons of Wright Brother stuff. Plus I KNOW there's a Kiwanis club there that I would fit into. I also realized a lot of my UD friends still live IN THE AREA.

I also calculated...it's only about 4 hours to Oakland (where Melissa will be) that's STILL by far the closest we've been! I could easily do a weekend trip for Birthdays and other special occassions. We could still go camping together in the summers. Realistically the places that I would be "happy enough" in near her, were still over an hour away, so I wouldn't go there very often anyway.

Plus this puts me only between 4 and 5 hours from my parents (Both Dad and I have made two ways trips in one day when necessary) but it's really not unreasonable. It also puts me about an hour from Ashley, so hopefully we'll be able to get together more often . (she's currently 2 1/2-3 hours away)

Teaching- Teachers are paid much better in the Dayton area -- at least compared to my school. Plus I don't have to worry about switching my license, taking additional tests, worrying about switching my retirement, etc.

When I got home last night, I did some quick research on jobs -- found a few still open and applied for them. But I also looked at some local apartments. They seemed price comparable to those I was looking at in Illinois but they are on beautiful properties with unique floorplans, and most allow even BIG dogs!

I dare you to look at the pictures of these apartments:
Arbors at Yankee Vineyard
Spinnaker Cove
Harbour Club

This feels better. This feels right.

So what about that Rainbow I saw? Well, I misinterpreted it. Actually, I fibbed a bit when I told you about it. I was concerned when I saw it, that I had to turn around to see it. IT was over Dayton. We were pulling away from it... toward Indiana. At the moment I saw it, I knew. (But didn't want to know because I wanted to move to Ill) My rainbow was centered in OHIO.

Oh yeah, and there are 4 CrossFits within 30 minutes of the Dayton area!

I really never thought I would say this... but Ohio really is pretty. Those midwest farm states don't know what they're missin!

Today I took Dad on a perimeter tour of the ENTIRE region.
We headed out on 57N where we saw a Semi flipped on its side, the highway was closed and traffic was backed up for miles. Luckily we were on the OTHER side of the highway. We then headed west on 36 where an insistent woman was on my tail, then passed me, then pulled over and tried to flag me down, then was on my tail again. I finally pulled onto a side street to see what she wanted -- but she kept going. We saw her about 1/2 mile down the road talking to someone else on the side of the road. She looked like she may have been lost... but then WHY flag down a car with OHIO plates? How could we possibly help? So we ventured on to Decatur.

Decatur - this was a spur of the morning trip decision. I looked at their website- they have a zoo, a children's museum, some nice apartments, so it seemed reasonable. Perhaps we came in the wrong side of town and didn't explore quite enough. We didn't see much, but we also didn't have much time. I'll give it potential, if I get to see the rest of it and it's nice. We did stop and a Burger King where I got an "Apartment Finder" that included just about all of the towns we visited! cool!

Next we traveled back to Champaign to visit Savoy, a small town just south of Champaign.

Savoy- This is my number one prospect I think. It is Champaign schools - a large district, but it has a suburb feel and many modern conveniences such as a Subway, Running Store, Movie Theater, RollerSkating Rink, etc. We drove through two apartment complexes. They were very nice, probably a little expensive, but I could easily call them home.

We drove back through Champaign and Urbana to check out Danville. On the way through we saw a really cool apartment building. You can check out their website, Burnham310.com. I bet they are very expensive, but I think I'd really like living there!

Danville- Danville looked great on the map and great on the website, but like so many other towns really rather diappointed in person. The schools weren't even that impressive (as some of the other towns') We drove around a little then headed out of town. (back to Paris) Danville was the home of Gene Hackman, Jerry and Dick Van Dyke, but I don't think it will be of mine.

On the way we passed through many small towns -- including Bloomfield -- I think it was less populated than ours! But we passed through Westville who claims to have had the first night football game back in 1928. It seemed like a very nice town, the schools looked great (from what I could see passing through on 150) It's small, but seemed quite nice.

I wanted to venture back to Paris to see if I could see all the other great things that were depicted on their website, no such luck. The downtown is virtually vacant, most of the homes were rundown -- the DQ was nice! We didn't stay long as we were being treated to a HOME-GROWN, HOME-COOKED meal in Oakland.

Oakland- Today we drove through town a little, checking out the schools, and the little town charm. They had the coolest/scariest water fountain and some really neat old buildings. We then headed to the farm to meet up with Melissa and her family and have dinner. Grandma, Tim's grandma, cooked Tim's favorite roast beef, some noodles, home grown corn on the cob, home grown green beans, home made apple sauce, and served home made banana cream pie for dessert. Yum! After dinner we went for a stroll around the farm and down the lane to the old cemetery. One guy was born in 1784!!! We had a great evening. We even got to see an OLD hanging glass fire extinguisher (you can see a similar one on ebay).

We have one more town to check out on our way back home.

Where do I begin?
Last weekend I went to Syracuse to hang out with my best friend and her family. She has 3 little boys, ages 8,6, and 1. This was the 2nd time I’d seen the youngest, Lincoln. The 4th or 5th time for the middle, Cole, and about the 6th or 7th time for the oldest, Leo. That’s rather pathetic - 7 times in 8 years! 2 of which were in the last 6 months. (and 2 were in the first year). I’m ashamed. I’ve always been bad with keeping up with long distance friends. (Melissa and her family have lived in 4 states since we were in College -- none of which was the state I lived in and they are moving to state #5 (8hrs away from me) next Summer.) This situation is especially bad because this isn’t just some friend I haven’t kept up with, this is someone who is like a sister to me.... to her boys, I am AUNT Megan.

So this Spring, as I was deciding who I really wanted to be, I decided that I want to re-connect with friends that I’ve lost touch with. Facebook has been greatly beneficial in this endeavor. I’m proud to say that this summer I’ve communicated with Melissa, Ben, Mandy, and Matt with regularity. (I’ve also been catching up with other college friends, family members, and high school classmates.)

One night back in April, Melissa and I were talking -- actually ON THE PHONE, and I was at a fork in the road. The school wanted to RIF me (reduction in force) so I needed to figure out what to do with my life. I had not intended on staying there for long anyway, but still, decisions needed to be made. I’m still living with my parents, driving an hour each way to work, and not feeling at all like a 30 year old. *I have since qualified for a continuing contract and am no longer under the threat of RIF* But as we were talking Melissa suggested that I move out to the same area of Illinois that they were going to move to. Hmmm.

2 winters ago I was all set to move. I had done research as to the various areas I was interested in, where teaching was better (i.e. pay, unions, retirement, etc) and Illinois had actually come out quite high. But I hadn’t actually considered it because I had no real reason to go there.

So this proposition was an interesting one. I thought about it. I talked to some of my trusted co-workers about it. I eventually mentioned it to my parents, once I was fairly certain it was something I was seriously considering. Living in the same area would give several perks -- I would have a girlfriend. A real friend that I trust, could go out with, could hang out with. One that KNOWS me. We’ve been friends since 1st grade! (That’s about 25 years!)

Ok, so about my weekend (that was now 2 weekends ago!) I was nervous. Nervous because, even though I’m a teacher, I’m not very good with little kids. Or I should say more specifically I don’t know how to act with them. (Why I want to teach OLDER ones!) I was worried because they (the boys) don’t know me. I’m just some stranger coming to their house. I’m hoping that the more I see them the better I will get. I think back to how my mom acts around her nephews (she’s got a ton of them). Well anyway, I got there LATE Thursday night. Friday during the day we went to Target (the boys and I explored the toy section while Melissa shopped for a bachelorette party gift), then we went to the MOST, a Science Museum. It was pretty cool. I’ll post pics eventually. They had a toothpick city!! (1 of 2 in the world, the other is in Spain). Then we headed out for the evening. (Just Melissa and I ..lol) We went to a nice restaurant and then a Karaoke bar. (I’ll comment about the Karaoke bar later...remind me)

Saturday (after my bout with severe back doms) we headed to the beach (Lake Ontario, actually). It was a great day. The kids swam, built sandcastles, we ate lunch, played on the playground. I was feeling more comfortable. As we were driving back to Melissa’s, I was thinking about how nice it would be to have them in my life more. To see them on a much more regular basis. To have that special Aunt-Nephew relationships with them. As we were nearing their house we saw a rainbow - the kind that goes from one side of the sky to the other!

Rainbows have a special significance for me. (See My Religious Beliefs post). To me this was a sign. A sign that the way my life was heading was the right way. That I was meant to be in their lives more.

I had a lot more I was going to say about my trip. But since it’s taken me two weeks to write this, I can’t remember everything I was going to say. So I’ll end it here. For now. I have much more to add.... eventually.

Note. The other posts mentioned in this have NOT been created yet. I’ll let you know when I type them!!

It was a great weekend. I have a lot to share, but it will have to wait until tomorrow.

Basics:
Worst DOM's.
Didn't do Burpees Sat.
Made some life decisions
Question some beliefs.
Made up some burpees.

-- details coming real soon.

Wow what a day.
I started with a Run/Walk in the park. 3K 26:40 (fastest EVER!)
*widget coming soon*

Then I headed to class, took a math test (I think I did ok).

Next was CrossFit. I had a mini-(almost)meltdown. I was near tears of frustration, my hand hurt and my body forgot how to do a squat. But Toby was very patient and worked with me and then I did the WOD. Umm.. wow. I hope Sepi wasn't offended. I wasn't frustrated with him-- just myself - I just kinda took it out on him, sorry =( (I also hope he doesn't mind me calling him Sepi)

3 Rounds.
Carry 2 10lb weights with fingers to the end of the driveway and back (about 100m)
Do 60 step up onto a box (30 each leg lead)
Do 15 Push Press (just wBar, about 35lbs)
18:27

My muscles were BURNING.

I texted Ben and told him I was giving up on burpees. It was too much. He told me NO. (actually he told me "no.. no .. no." I was on my way to the Kent gym to shower before our picnic, but when I got there, I did my 22 burpees.. then showered. Thanks Ben!!

The picnic was great. We ate well, sat around the fire, played baggo- cornhole whatever (I made my first "hole in one")

As I was driving home, I realized how good I felt and how glad I was that I didn't quit the burpees and how great it will be when I finish day 100 and know that I did ALL OF THEM. So with that.. I'm heading to bed...

Day 5 - Biggest Loser 30-day JumpStart

It's important to have people who will support you and not sabotage you when you are trying to become a new person. I have been trying to decide who I can trust and who -- even though they may be well intentioned-- don't quite respond correctly. I have a small group of friends at work that will be encouraging and helpful during the school year... although sadly three of them may not be there next year =( . I have very few actual friends in this area.. one to be exact. And I don't want to hold him to anything as he and his girlfriend just moved in together and he's trying to adjust to a new "instant" family. But I'm hoping I'll still be able to count on him to help me with more social side of my transformation. He helps me "get out there" and live. =)


My ideal team would include another individual who has been an unending stream of support -- even in the worst times possible-- when I was successfully losing weight in the past. Unfortunately, I think things are still a bit awkward for us and I don't think he can be as helpful as he was before. I don't blame him... and I do still hear his words of encouragement in my head and I can't wait to show him how much I've accomplished. (**although if he happens to read this and thinks he can help -- I'm all ears =) **)

I suppose some obvious choices for team members would be my parents. -- especially since I'm living with them-- but I don't know if they are in the right "place" to be supports for me. They don't seem to know what the right things to say are and tend to push my buttons easily. Dad is trying to figure things out for himself -- and I'm trying to be supportive for him. I would love for us to be a team of 3 tackling being healthy... but Mom doesn't have the same excitement and energy for it that I do, and that Dad is trying to have. She wants us to eat healthy but doesn't want to take the time to learn about what TRULY healthy is. (just because it doesn't have trans fats doesn't mean it's good for you...) I'm trying. I bring healthy food into the house... and it gets eaten (which is good) it just gets frustrating when it's NOT there, when I want to eat it.

So where does that leave me? Considering the following people for my "team":

• Melissa -- who is embarking on her own weight loss journey (in New York)
• Ben - who has been hugely successful on his journey (in California)
• Michelle - if she can, she just had a baby, and I'm sure will be quite busy (in California)

I guess that should be my first real quest... find some locals to join my team =) I have found that finding people who truly understand is the problem.
Day 5 Exercise -
Just as I was about to head out.. the rain poured. So I waited. At least that meant when I went, I had the park to myself. =) It was a pleasant jaunt, thinking about all kinds of things... religion, nature, life, journeys, rain.
Tiger Woods came on my iPod and told me I went my fastest mile, but I don't think that's possible. I'll have to investigate that further. I'll post my graph as soon as I get it uploaded.