52 Weeks....to the Real Me

Day 24- Biggest Loser 30-Day Jumpstart

They state the same advice we all know, and try to follow:
Don't be too hungry when you get there.
Have a plan!
Remember the big picture (it's not your last meal... )
Avoid "All You Can Eat"
Control your environment (you know, don't leave the chips in snacking distance)

These are great pieces of advice. I am more concerned with the planning one. My schedule has been thrown a curve ball and I'm rushing to get caught up and re-settled. I now will have two classes in Canton, then one in Kent. But I will also have one in Canton through August. Of course I still plan on driving to Kent to workout. It's crazy. Don't ask! (just check on me to make sure I'm still alive every now and then!)

Exercise Day 24
Cross Fit (day 1)
Well, I got up really early and went to "the Barn." I was lead through a "dynamic warm-up" of several different kinds of lunges (some backwards), some knee-up stretches, an imaginary hurdle to go over and under. I'm sure all these things have real names, but I don't know them yet. Then I learned how to do an Air Squat. Then after doing several of those, I had to do a 10 minute rotation between the rowing machine and the air squats. (100m/10squats) I ended up doing 5 rounds plus an additional row -- I was around 750 m.
After all that I did some leg stretches. As far as Toby (the coach) was concerned I was done.. but I had Burpees left to do!

Burpees Day 9-
So after my first CrossFit workout, I then did NINE burpees. The first 4 were startlingly easy. I mean I felt like an athlete. I broke up the last 5 into 2-2-1 and took breaks in between sets. But I did them. That's a total of 45!!! Can you believe it?!?!

Food today:
I don't know the details of the CrossFit diet, but here's what I had today.

BREAKFAST
2 scrambled eggs
protein shake made with about 12 ounces of milk- 1% (instead of 8)

AFTER WORKOUT
1 Serving of turkey
Banana
Kent State High Protein/low Carb "shake"

LUNCH
Subway 6in sub, double turkey, lettuce, tomato, mustard
Subway apples

SNACK
Special K 90 Calorie Bar (strawberry)
1 Serving of Turkey

DINNER
Arby's Large Roastbeef Sandwich

At this point that gives me:
147.1 grams of protein
232.4 grams of carb
54.6 grams of fat (18 saturated)
Calorie count - 1936.4

I think the Arby's was a definite BAD choice. I'll do better tomorrow. In fact I might even go for a quick "walk" right now to burn some extra calories... then it's homework time!!

Day 23- Biggest Loser 30-Day JumpStart

Today's advice is all about getting exercise "accidentally" or while you're busy doing something else. Examples are - doing jumping jacks during commercials, or parking far from where you're going and walking the extra 100 yards or whatever.

I did that today - the parking bit. But unfortunately I don't think I'll be able to do it anymore (at least on my crazy daily routine. -- I need every SECOND I can to get to my classes. Of course I'll be getting extra exercise as I am essentially power walking across the parking lots. Luckily my two profs that straddle my very short commute time and both very understanding. I think it will work out great. (total miles today -- in my car -- 150+!!!)

After class I stopped out at "The Barn" and talked to Toby about Cross Fit. I'm really excited. I'm definitely going tomorrow to start! I have also decided (as it should be) I'm going to give this a try 100% - that means their diet, their program, everything!

As I was driving home I just felt like this IS RIGHT. This fits who I AM. This is who I want to be. I want to be trained, buff, strong, thin, fit person. -- not just skinny. I've even been thinking of how I can continue to go once class is done, once school has started... and what happens after I move?

I will ruminate on these and many more ideas at a later date. Unfortunately I'm quite tired and have 8 proofs to solve for tomorrow.

Exercise Day 23- technically Monday is my rest day. I was going to work out, but as I mentioned I am really tired, and I want to get up extra early tomorrow.. and I'm sure I'll get my butt kicked tomorrow! =)

Burpees Day 8 - On my way to do them right now! -- DONE!

Day 22- Biggest Loser 30-day JumpStart

According to the Biggest Loser, (and common sense) it is important to take time to "replenish your soul." They suggest writing letters, playing with pets, reflecting on the great things about your day, etc.
I believe that blogging is one way for me to do this. It makes me stop and reflect on my day, my journey, my progress, MY LIFE. I know I don't take enough time for myself and I'm going to start. I will allow myself to indulge in things I LIKE to do -- the things I forget that I like to do -- like being outdoors, hiking, photographing things, golfing (more on this in a minute), playing Sims, playing on the Wii. I will not be slave to the world anymore, I will make time to have fun. (and fun can be exercise too!) 18 holes golfing -- using a riding cart, can still burn OVER 1000 CALORIES! (9 holes walking will burn approx 660!!) but that doesn't feel like a workout - I like to golf!

Exercise Day 22-
Today I went golfing. My walk this morning didn't happen. We tee'd off at 10:30 ish and finished at 4:30 -- that's about 6 hours of sunshine, exercise, and FUN! I also umm.. ALMOST had a hole in one. For those of you in the area... that's Mill Creek South #7, 138 yards, 6 iron. (and YES, I made the putt!)

I also helped Dad unload a bunch of stuff from the trailer and haul it to the curb (and the back patio) --heavy stuff, too, I might add.

Burpees Day 7-
Whew. A whole week. 28 Burpees. 7 today, this is getting tougher. I was in a full sweat by the time I was done. But I am noticing difference in my body already! Thanks Ben!!

Day 21- Biggest Loser 30-Day JumpStart
Today's advice is for letting your feelings flow, acknowledging them and not letting them get the best of you. I haven't had too many feelings other than frustration and disappointment in myself.

Today I binged on rotini. Now granted it was whole grain wheat, but still I ate WAY too much of it. But I've made a few decisions and got a few things in order. I cleaned out and organized my car - so it's ready for me to "live in" for the next 5 weeks. I got a golf organizer, an "other stuff" organizers, new seat covers and a front seat organizer. (I love how they show video game controllers in a car organizer!)
However I'm considering a different seat organizer. The one I'm thinking about getting has a cooler built into it. I'm considering this because while I'm on the go in the next 5 weeks it would be nice to be able to keep my snacks and such cool. It would also enable me to take healthier snacks. Of course I could always just TAKE a cooler with me, but this would seem easier - or maybe not, I'd have to pack it in the car, unless I brought it in everyday. Hmmm.. such dilemmas. The one I bought (above) has several more sections for storage... and was considerably cheaper. What do you think?

Exercise Day 21-
I didn't go for my regular walk. I was going to, later this evening, but it was raining :(
This afternoon I went for a hike in Mill Creek Park, the local park here. It was a hike over rocks and up hills and of course down hills too. It was about 2 miles. It took about an hour and half, but we stopped and looked at the plants and animals. It was nice. I definitely plan on going back and doing some of their other hikes. I might even go kayaking!!! Tomorrow I'm golfing (riding 18), but I may get up early and going for a walk ahead of time.

Exercise Decisions-
Ben has been talking about (and doing) CrossFit for awhile. I've been reading about it today and I think it's something I would like to do. It seems like the kind of training I want to do. Because that's what I want to do... I don't just want to exercise.. I want to TRAIN. I like the 10 skills that they emphasize and I would like to be strong in all of them:

• Cardiovascular/Respiratory Endurance
• Stamina
• Strength
• Flexibility
• Power
• Speed
• Coordination
• Agility
• Balance
• Accuracy

I found a CrossFit gym that is near Kent, where I will be spending my next 5 weeks. So I've decided that I will go there as much as I can and then take what I learn and apply as much as possible once I'm back "home." This CrossFit idea goes with my "act as if" and actually my whole journey. THIS is the kind of training/working out that I want to do- to be ABLE to do. I want to be tough, not just skinny. I think this training will help me be a better golfer, a better runner, as well as just a better overall FIT. Plus it seems like there is a huge community to encourage me, a set schedule to follow (I like schedules), and a way for me to push myself beyond what I imagine is possible.

Burpees Day 6-
LESSON LEARNED. Since I've been doing my burpees at home, I've not been wearing shoes. However today I learned that SOCKS are a no-go without shoes! I technically did 6 1/2 burpees today. lol. My first one caused me to "fly" across the living room. So I took my socks off and had much better success. =)

Day 20 - Biggest Loser 30-Day JumpStart

Today is about pushing yourself and doing things that you NEVER thought you would be able to do. I can see this. My becoming a RUNNER is a prime example. I wouldn't believe that I could do that before, but I'm going to. I've competed (and completed) two 5ks and I plan on doing more.

Exercise Day 20-
I did go for a run today. I went a little faster than the other day, I'm feeling back in the swing of things. I'm starting to ACT AS IF I'm a thin person who naturally goes to workout everyday. Today was a little cooler and not as muggy as the other day, that was nice.


The dip is where my phone rang.. .and I had to see who it was, since Dad was in the midst of cleaning out the gutters... had to make sure all was ok. It turned out to be my cousin - I called him back later.

Burpees Day 5
Wow. I've done 15 Burpees already. 5 today! It was SURPRISING that the first 3 really weren't bad today. I don't know if I can go as far as to say they were EASY, but they were much easier than the past few days. The last 2 still kicked my butt. I realized that this was a prime example of me ACTING AS IF I were a thin, fit person because really... what overweight person do you know would agree to a 100 day burpee challenge? =)

I also meant to mention a few days ago, I happened to turn on NCIS and at the very moment I heard the Naval Officer barking orders for his men to "give me 20 more burpees" and they were doing them!! of course they didn't do the jump at the end, but still... burpees somewhere in the "real world" -- ok a tv world, but it's based on reality right?

Day 19 - Biggest Loser 30 Day Jumpstart

This is a lesson I learned before -- but can always use a reminder. They refer to confidence building and I think that's how I use it- but I think about it differently. For me I have to "act as if" I'm already skinny. I have to act like a skinny person. Do the things that I would do if I were skinny. I soon realize that it is easier to do things, working out everyday seems easier- the right thing to do. If I were to think like a "fat" person, what motivation would I have to go exercise. Fat people don't exercise, or mountain climb, or hike, or rollerblade, etc.

One tough food lesson. Yesterday Dad and I went to "brunch" at Bob Evans. I had my typical breakfast (2 scrambled eggs, homefries, 2 pieces of wheat toast with grape jelly -no butter). This has 635 calories. That's acceptable for a meal that holds me over. The problem came in my beverage. I knew that hot chocolate was not GOOD for me. I usually drink Swiss Miss that is about 60 calories per cup. I figured restaurant quality hot chocolate would be more calories but... WOW. My 2 cups of hot chocolate was over 500 calories!!! Recap- Meal: 605 Drink: 500 !! So no more hot chocolate at Bob Evans for me.

Although I know Dad loves Bob Evans, I'm thinking of convincing him to go to Eat-n-Park instead. That's where we went for dinner. I had a grilled BBQ chicken breast, side salad (with croutons and balsamic vin. dressing), 1/2 of my applesauce, a roll, and some diet pepsi. They had items marked on the menu as being "smart eats" and even had some of the nutrition information on their menu (very helpful). When I got home I explored their website and was able to "re-create" my meal to find the calories, etc. It even let me take the cucumbers off my salad! The only thing is it different separate saturated fat, it was all listed as total fat. My meal (as described above) was 625 calories! When they brought my chicken I immediately thought "wow that's small" but then I realized it was a proper portion size! Yummy. I'd be happy eating that everyday (or more often than Bob Evans). [p.s. Smiley Cookie: 250 cal, 9 g fat]

Exercise Day 19-
Well. I did my 4 Burpees.(at 11:00 at night) I can feel my stomach muscles being pushed. And I've noticed my triceps getting "tighter" (a lot less flab in that area).
I was planning on going for a walk/run after my Dinner meeting, but we didn't get home until 10.

Burpees Day 4
**Did my 4 Burpees!**
My Stomach muscles are SORE. I kinda like it, it tells me I'm using new muscles and pushing myself.

Day 18 - Biggest Loser 30-Day Jumpstart

Today's advice is all about NON-SCALE ways to see progress you've been making. They tell you not to stress if the numbers on the scale don't show progress - as long as you are doing what you need to be doing.

Finally started playing the Sims. I got lost playing Sims 3. No really... started around 4:30 pm... went to bed at 6 the next morning!!! I can't seem to play for a "short" period of time. But it was fun. =) -- that's one of the reasons why I only play it in the Summer!


Exercise Day 18 -
I went for a walk-- 3.11 km. It was muggy, but it felt good to be out there again. I'm in the process of shifting all my music ...so I'll sync my iPod when I'm done and I'll post my run then.


Burpees Day 3-
**Did my 3 Burpees!**
I knew I could do it -- I had done 3 yesterday. I did them in the living room today so I had a much higher ceiling (and a softer floor!).

Day 17- Biggest Loser 30-day Jump Start

The theme of the day is scale obsession. They warn that weighing yourself too often will give false information -- meaning that daily fluctuations are normal and seeing them (on the not so good side) may lead to a bad mood and make you more likely to give up. On the plus side, seeing a good improvement may lead to a bigger disappointment the next time you step on.

In the past I've been very -- weigh myself everyday-- I'm a numbers person. I need to see the numbers. I also know I did take into consideration that daily my weight would fluctuate and I wouldn't be too hard on myself if I gained .3 lbs overnight. (there's a decimal in front of that 3!)

This time I've decided that I'm only going to weigh in on "weigh in" days. Allowing myself a FEW (like 2) sneak peaks midway through the week. But I'm not going to be obsessive. In fact, maybe I'll leave the scale in the basement. I was working on a way to bring it up -- since I like to wear as little as possible when I weigh in. But I think I can do it in the basement. That's settled.

Exercise Day 17 -
Ok so I'm not quite back ALL THE WAY. I had intentions of going for a "walk" but it didn't happen. I worked in the basement all day (after I recovered from an upset stomach). My food is not the greatest -- I'm finishing up my Papa John's from Monday. Tomorrow should be a good clean eating day.

Burpee -
Well, I did it. In fact I did 3 of them today. (had to make up for yesterday -1, plus today's 2) I'm not saying they are easy and I'm kinda scared about doing more than 10 of them, but singularly they weren't that bad. I'm sure my push-ups aren't up to standard, but I figure, I controlled myself on the way down ... I went ALL THE WAY DOWN.... then pushed myself up and made sure I was "jumping" into and out of the squats -- no cheating by walking out. So I did ok. I need to find somewhere with a higher ceiling though!
Thanks Ben for the cool Gadget that will track my Burpees!
I also think I recruited a new follower - Alex, she said she'd give it a whirl too!

I was curious about the crazy name and found a really good answer - I believe it anyway....
"Why are they called Burpees, Anyway?"
scroll down to Laroo's answer!

P.S. I finally took my Wii Active out of the box. (but that's as far as it got)... baby steps. =)

Day 16 - Biggest Loser 30-Day Jumpstart.
In the spirit of getting sleep and the fact that we have "field day" tomorrow. I'm going to head to bed and blog about this tomorrow. I will catch up sooner or later. ** I did finish yesterday's blog**
Day 16- Exercise
*had a migraine -ish today. I managed to cut it short, but I felt drained as I went for my run. BUT I WENT! I also bought the new Wii-Sports Active thingy do. I'll have to try it out this weekend.

My run:

The dip is where I swear there was something stuck to my shoe... I stopped to investigate - there was NOTHING there.. frustrating!


Migraine note - most likely brought on by tiredness from night before and waiting too long to eat this evening. Pressure changes in the atmosphere don't help either - storms rolling through. Took 2 aleve. Headache tolerable in less than 20 minutes, completely gone shortly after my run -- about an hour after taking them.

Day 15 - Biggest Loser 30-Day Jumpstart

[Long Day... will report in tomorrow. (double) -- Zzzzz is the real topic for today too! I'm going to catch some and fill this in later. =)

Goodnight! ]

I've known this for years. This is one of the hardest for me. It is highly recommended that people get between 7 and 9 hours of sleep. I love sleep. That's not the problem. The problem is that I'm a night owl (it's 10:40 right now) and I have a job that requires me to be out the door by 7:30 am. I am working on it. As you may know I've been tracking my sleep (in the far right column, down towards the bottom) This is very much a work in progress and hopefully I'll get a handle on it and it will help me lose weight!

About my day: I wasted time. I've been getting caught up in "workplace drama" this week and I've allowed MANY precious hours to go to waste because of it. I was at school till 6:30 and really got nothing productive done. I had to run to Walmart after school to drop off come pictures (the upload feature wasn't working correctly) and then as soon as I got home (8:15) my mom asked me to run her to Home Depot. We got home around 9. THEN I went for my walk.

Day 15- Exercise
Because of the late hour I chose a different route - one that involved streetlights. I also wore the bike "tail light" my dad bought me. I hiked up to the elementary school that is a block from my house and then did laps around the well lit playground. It was neat walking there, the air was nice and cool, and I was surrounded by both childhood and adult memories.
- It was my elementary school. So I could envision myself running around on it when I was little. Some of the very same equipment is there, like the slide, monkey bars, and jungle gym. There are also a lot of new things.
- I had my first kiss on that very playground. probably back then.... but also my first real kiss happened there not too many years ago.
- And of course I currently teach in an elementary school so I couldn't help but compare things to our school as well as thinking about our school (and kids) in general.

My run:

Day 14 - Biggest Loser 30-Day Jumpstart
MEMORIAL DAY
I spent the ENTIRE day with family (just not my parents, I've seen them for about 20 minutes today). I went golfing with 6 of my relatives, then to a picnic with several more. In addition to golf I watched a game of basketball, football, and pigs. Then we made a bonfire and watched the basketball hoop fall over -- yep-- completely rusted! Luckily no one was actually playing at the time. (they were trying to adjust the height)

Golf - I did ok today for it being my first day out. I shot a 45 and 48 for a total of 93. I had a few pars (4) and a few double bogeys (about 4). Not bad. I need to practice a few more times before the "Little Brown Jug" competition in June 6-7

I'm not much in the mood to write tonight, so I'll leave this short. Hope everyone had a nice Memorial Day.
--
Hunger. They suggest a scale of hunger (from 1 to 7) and suggest that at all times you (I) stay between 3 and 5. I can say that today I experienced both a 3 and a 5. (and the 4 in between) In fact just recently I had thought about having another "meal" but decided that I wasn't THAT hungry and settled for a bag of (100 calorie) popcorn.

Day 14- Exercise
Today was a rest day, however I played 18 holes of golf today. (I did ride in a cart though) However I logged over 10,000 steps on the golf course alone -- and I was RIDING!!

Day 13- Biggest Loser 30-Day Jumpstart
Digging Deep is all about pushing yourself further, farther, and harder than you "think you can". I did that today - to an extent. I thought I was done at 200 m, that I couldn't go on, but as I was about to stop a thought crossed my mind that said "yes you can" and I did.. completing the entire 400m (see details in the exercise section)
I think the fact that I'm working to become a runner at all is evidence of pushing myself. No one would look at me (as I am now) and say "oh, yeah she's a runner" but I believe I can be and I'm going to.
Everyday when I head out for my walks/runs I tell myself "It's only 30 minutes, push yourself, what have you got to lose?, it's just 30 minutes then you're done" With this going through my head I find myself pushing a little faster, swinging my arms a little harder, seeing the scenery rushing past just a tad bit quicker.

Day 13 - Exercise
Today I had to calibrate my nike+ iPod sensor. I went to our high school track and am now slightly mystified by how this worked. It would seem I would tell it I want to go .4km and then I would go that far and tell it when I'm done so it knows about how many steps it took me. But it was keeping track of the distance as I went and I ask HOW can it do that if it doesn't know my step size? Anyway... the first 400 m I did, didn't count. So I did it again. Then I had to RUN 400m (the shortest distance available for calibrating) Well.. I haven't RUN in MONTHS. (March to be exact). I did it. It was hard. I'm definitely not ready to run yet. Although I did well for the first 200 (roughly 2 minutes) then it was just forcing myself to finish. So I think all in all I went about 1.4 km. Then I took a break, stopped at Giant Eagle to get more Powerade Zero -- which curiously does have a few calories according to their nutrition guide (strawberry has the most at 3 cal/8 oz , mixed berry has 1.9 cal/8 oz, and grape has 2.0/8oz.) still a much better ratio then the Gatorade I was drinking that was 50 cal/8oz!
When I got home I went for my usual walk in the park. The first 5 minutes of my walks is usually the distance from my house to the park. Today I was just enjoying the day and decided to "restart" my time when I got to the park. I guess I ended up moving a little faster than I thought -- or maybe my calibrating didn't work quite right.. but according to all my sources (lol) I went for 3.25 km. I guess I have nothing left but to accept it. =) Of course this left my 5 minute or so walk home.
Overall today I calculate that I went a total of about 6 km.

Day 12- Biggest Loser 30-Day Jumpstart

Taking Risks. Apparently today I'm more interested in yesterday's advice - both what it was and what I THOUGHT it was going to be about. Rather than being about emotions I thought "get comfortable with being uncomfortable" was going to have some advice about pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone. Trying new things. Daring yourself to do what you thought you couldn't.

I've been roller skating nearly my whole life. My first pair of skates were Strawberry Shortcake. I even took lessons. I have a great video of me dancing on skates.. if I'm brave enough, and I can find it, maybe I'll post it. (don't ask about the face paint - I have NO idea!) Anyway, in Middle School I started skating every Sunday and then we started going on Friday nights. I even got speed skates. I continued to go occasionally in high school. I even tried ice skating a little, but I was never as fond of that, it always hurt my ankles more. After a several year hiatus from skating Luke and I started going occasionally. As times moved ahead Roller blading became popular so I bought myself a pair of blades, probably about 7 years ago. I never wore them.
Luke tried to teach me to skate in them once - but the security guard at the park informed us we were not allowed to roller blade there (it was privately owned park). So I've never roller bladed.

I've seen people gliding away in the park as I've been on my walks and decided today that I would give it a try. As I put the blades on I realized I was fearful. Sure I could use speed skates (in fact just the other week I got to remember how good I was on them when we took our students skating) but blades are different. The brake is only on ONE and it's in the BACK. In the past I've always just opted to NOT DO what I was afraid of. But THE NEW ME, says NO, you can do this and you WILL be good at it. So desperately trying to overcome my fear, I skated a little on the carpeted front porch (that now has a banister railing for me to hold on to) then I cut through the house out to our back driveway that is smoother and has things to hold on to -- like garbage cans and my dad's truck. On my way there, dad intercepted me to read an email and then wanted to know where my helmet was. (I know WHY I should wear one -- but again I've been skating my whole life. I very rarely fall - in fact I can't remember the last time I fell ROLLER skating (ice skating is a different story - high school).But as I mentioned this is a FEAR I'm trying to overcome and his concern came across as not only a doubting of my abilities (even though I somewhat share them) but also a reminder of the dangers involved with this (concrete is apparently worse to fall on than wood). It almost made me decided to quit right there. What if I did get hurt? What if I did fall? Would that jeopardize everything? Would I be permanently injured? I yelled at the voices in my head to SHUT UP. I AM capable of this and I will be fine. So I did several laps on the driveway. Clinging to things to stop. I'm slowly getting the hang of this. Stopping will be the hardest thing for me. But I reminded myself that I could turn (I held on just in case as I moved my feet) I'm trying to convince myself that I'm just as comfortable on these wheels as my regular ones. I found a few new muscles! And my blades left deep impressions where my legs were not used to skates being. But all in all... I am proud of myself and I WILL go practice more, and by the end of summer I WILL be skating like the breeze down the trail in the park (it's paved)

So I'm pushing myself. YAY.

The Dreaded Plateau - For real.
The important thing about plateaus is to "not take them personally" it's just your body reacting to less calories and that you should keep working. Continue you same schedule and weight loss will kick in again... but be warned it may take awhile.
(I will keep all this in mind for when I hit my plateau -- but I'm not there yet!)

Day 12 Exercise-
Dad and I went for a walk around the block (2 of them actually) Then I headed to the park for my 30 minute walk. According to my iPod Dad and I went 2.22 km and then I went 3.44km. However I forgot to calibrate my new sensor so I'm sure I didn't go nearly as far since my steps are much smaller than the average person. So tomorrow I'll head to the track so I can calibrate my iPod. I think I did go close to 3km though, I was pushing hard.

Tonight I'm watching Flash of Genius with my parents.

Day 12 - Biggest Loser 30-Day Jumpstart

Before I go into today's advice and my reaction... I need to vent.

I didn't realize those emotions I mentioned not having yesterday would come so quickly. Well that's not true ...exactly. These emotions are not about ME but rather my feeling of complete helplessness.

I obviously have not had the talk with my family about getting them on board (I did ask mom about the quilts -- she said yes) but I can't figure out how to get my parents with me. I don't know how to make mom understand. She JUST DOESN'T GET IT and I don't know how to make her understand. I don't know how to lead her to understanding. I've tried getting her to read some of the books I've read. I've tried explaining. But it just seems as long as she DOES NOT FEEL THE NEED to lose weight or get healthier herself, she won't make that sacrifice for me (or my dad). And really, I don't even see it as a sacrifice. Once you get in the habit of eating good stuff, it becomes what you crave.

For lunch today I had a lean cuisine meal and then couldn't wait to eat my apple dipped in yogurt and cinnamon. A lunch that cost me a mere 469 calories and 6.5 grams of fat (including the 2 calories in a diet coke). She cooked hotdogs for her and dad. Using the hotdogs we still have in the refrigerator, and the fact that dad had a bun with his... (I don't think mom had a bun) each of their meals cost about 480 calories and 19 grams of fat (they each had 2 hotdogs). And that doesn't count anything else they had -- like chips or drink or whatever. My lunch was easier and quicker to make... but she won't see it that way. My lunch took a total of less than 5 minutes to prepare. She boiled the hotdogs for at least 10 minutes! Of course this example is the LEAST of my worries.

As my lunch was cooking, she brought in the groceries. As I helped her unpack them I was very near the breaking point. I've never been emotional about groceries before, but I'm sick to my stomach and ready to cry whenever I think about what she bought. I'm not sure that it's necessarily about WHAT she bought, or the fact that she doesn't see anything wrong with it. And her comments to me as I tried to explain the problems. Let me begin by giving a list of what she bought. Originally I was going to put pictures to show you -- but for most of us, that might instill a craving, so I will be as plain as possible =)

• 3 half gallon containers of ice cream
• chocolate milk
• a package of cookies (lucky for me they are oatmeal choc. chip - I don't like oatmeal cookies)
• waffle bowl "cones"
• sugar cones
• a jar of marshmallow topping
• a jar of chocolate fudge topping
• a jar of caramel topping (ok for me, I don't like caramel)
  
• frozen (sugar added) strawberries
• sugar free strawberry topping (not bad... but seems contradictory to the above item)
• a bag of marshmallows (a huge temptation for me)
• A bag of regular (wavy) Lays chips
• regular creamy italian dressing
• regular italian dressing

I think that's about it for the bad stuff. She did also buy some salads, bananas, pretzels, and wheat buns.

When I was unloading the ice cream I made the comment "gee thanks" she said she thought it was better for her to buy this and have it at home, as opposed to paying more for Handel's ice cream (on occasion when they stopped there). I responded but "that doesn't help someone who's trying to lose weight" she replied "just pretend it isn't there." It is this lack of comprehension that has me virtually devastated. She doesn't GET that you can't "JUST FORGET" it's there.

I'll admit, I'm pretty good at avoiding temptation. I mean, passing by Arby's has been tough because I had made it a habit, but the comfort in having my Weight Watcher's One Point (90 cal) Latte bar when I got home, helps immensely. I try to ignore all the white pasta and cook my own whole wheat pasta, I try to ignore all the fatty lunch meats and cheeses that are purchased. I ignore the Ben & Jerry's she sometimes buys, I can bypass the greasy chips, but all of this wears on me. Every other time I have been successful at losing weight, I had complete control over my environment. My house had NOTHING that I wasn't "allowed" to eat. Sure I still had to watch my portion sizes, but nothing was laden with tons of fat. I have fallen for the marshmallows before -- their "fat free"-ness, forgetting that I eat way too many, and they still have a lot of calories, calories that are wasted.. on things non-nutritious, non-filling.

As I mentioned, I'm decently good at avoiding what I KNOW are bad things.. but the more we add to the house the harder it is. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. And I worry about my Dad. He does not have as much practice warding off the temptations and I fear he might also not SEE the hidden "badness" of some of the things. Like his lunch today. I'm sure he thought it was perfectly fine. I know he, like me, also struggles with portion control. So my thought would be, until we all get better at it, let's keep things in the house that are not as detrimental if you eat too many -- like fresh strawberries, apples, carrots, brussel sprouts, grapes, etc. Low fat lunch meats (which at least we do tend to buy the turkey that I think is OK), the non-fat cheeses. (I think I've finally gotten everyone on the same page as to which string cheese to buy)

I don't know what to do. I somewhat take solace in the fact that most of this summer I'll be out of the house because of my insane school schedule. But that doesn't comfort me that much. I so desperately want to make her understand. For her to GET IT. For her to GET ONBOARD, to be truly supportive.

Day 11- Biggest Loser 30-Day Jumpstart

Day 10 Blog has been updated.

Feelings. The Biggest Loser Gurus warn that during this transformation period I may experience feelings that I'm not used to. They suggest letting those feelings flow, acknowledging them, and accepting them. And I guess most importantly -- don't use food to deal with those feelings.

As of yet I haven't had too many feelings with regard to weight loss stuff. I mean, I actually jumped up and down when I hit 3k the other day and as I see the number going down on the scale I feel my self-esteem rising a bit. But overall I don't have the HUGE emotions that are suggested --- at least not yet. Right now I'm still in the baby step process -- where I'm excited and proud over little things, like passing that fast food restaurant or hitting a distance goal.

But I will be open to the emotions if/when they come.

Day 11 - Exercise
Today was our Math Fair at school. the 4th and 5th graders set up 21 games for the kids in grades k-3 to come play. I, of course, orchestrated the whole shin dig. After being up until 1am last night and up early to finish setting up, and being on my feet, in the HOT gym all day long, I was exhausted when I came home. The last thing on my mind was going to workout. I took a short nap (that turned out to be 90 minutes long!) When I got up I contemplated not working out and maybe doing 2 runs tomorrow. But then I remembered I've been doing so well. I have a star on every day since May 12 and it would seem a waste to let that record fall. So I decided I would go and even if I didn't go as fast, it would be something. It would be worth it.

My walk was pretty slow for the first 5 or 10 minutes, then I started feeling more awake and started pushing myself more. Overall, I still fell within the norm of where my walks have been.

Day 10- Biggest Loser 30-Day Jumpstart

It's 11:39 pm. I've been up since 5:30 am. I still have to plan my outfit for tomorrow and get a shower and I'm exhausted. I will write all about today and tomorrow... tomorrow...

UPDATED:
So today's advice was how you can successfully eat at a fast food restaurant without destroying everything you're working towards. It recommended salads, with the meat from a sandwich or eating grilled chicken -- NO BUN. I find that I think I'm better off just avoiding the restaurants all together as much as I can. When I was successful in 2007, I was able to each Grilled Chicken and baked potatoes at Wendy's but right now my mind frame is that I'm not going to go to Wendy's to eat a baked potato. If I go to Wendy's I want a cheeseburger and fries. SO.. that all being said. I will do my best to by pass EVERY fast food restaurant.

Day 10 Exercise-
I got up extra early to go for my workout BEFORE work. I had a meeting after work at 6:15 so I stayed after school. I wouldn't have had time to workout when I get home. This was good planning on my part because I didn't get home until 9:30.

My morning workout did not feel inspired. I'm sure part of that is because I had worked out less than 12 hours earlier and it was a little colder than I anticipated. But I did it and that's what matters.

My run today:

Day 9 - Biggest Loser 30 Day Jumpstart

Wow. I fell victim to this just the other day. The advice of the day is to pack your own snacks. Even think about paying at the pump just so you don't have to go in and face all the temptation. My Sheetz breakfast sandwich the other day cost me 500 calories!!! My entire subway dinner - including apples and chips was less than that!! I'm proud of myself. Today I had to go to Giant Eagle and I resisted all the bad stuff I really wanted to buy. No Twinkies, no lemon cakes that I can't just eat one of, no cupcakes. But man is it hard. I need to hire someone to do the shopping for me so I don't have to be tempted by this bad stuff.

Day 9 -Exercise

YAY. I hit 3k today!!! And man do my calves hurt. Which is GOOD, because that means my shins do not. It was a lot harder to concentrate on pushing with my back foot rather than taking longer strides. But it worked. =)


I haven't had my talk with the family yet... I did get a bunch of new books to read and I want to get started on them. PLUS I need to get up and workout BEFORE work tomorrow. I'm sure I had a lot more to say but I don't what it was. =) OH... silly me.. today I weighed myself.. I'm down 1.8 pounds from last Wed!! WOOHOO!! (ahead of the game -- my goal is 1.375 per week)


If I can be perfect the rest of the week -- until next Tues, I will treat myself to "He's Just Not That Into You" it comes out on DVD next Tues.

TV today- NCIS while I ate dinner (about 3o mins), Jeopardy with my parents. (about 30 mins) - I felt myself getting sucked into a second episode of NCIS, but I shut it off and went to workout!!

TV Tuesday - New episode of the Mentalist (about 45 minutes - DVR'd, no commercials), New episode of NCIS (about 45 minutes- DVR'd, no commercials)

TV Monday- New episode of Greek (about 45 minutes- DVR'd, no commercials), New episode of In Plain Sight (about 45 minutes- DVR'd, no commercials)

Day 8- Biggest Loser 30-Day Jumpstart

** COMMENTS ARE FIXED YAY. Thanks, BEN!!!!**

Today's advice is one I have already considered. The idea that you don't always need a gym to workout. Even when traveling there is always somewhere to workout. I choose my hotels based on if they have fitness rooms -- in the winter. Or for example, when I went to Windsor there was a walking trail right by the hotel that I was able to walk/run up and down each day for as long as I wanted.
This is one of the reasons why I want to become a runner -- I want to be able to workout NO MATTER WHERE I am.

I have some plans for more family time and hopefully greater success in nutrition on the homefront. I think I'm going to call a "family meeting" (as mentioned earlier) and see if we can all agree on food issues but also I want to see if mom will work with me this summer to create a few "t-shirt quilts" with me. I also want to see if Dad will go walking with me at least 4 days a week -- at his pace. I'll do my regular workout IN ADDITION to those walks. I hope they agree!!

I started a few new lists over on the side -- one to track sleep and one to track actual weight lost. I haven't decided on what official day my weigh in will be. I'm thinking the day after rest day is NOT a good day. Maybe I'll do it ON rest day. hmmm.. still thinking about it.

Day 8- Exercise

My shins hurt. Or more precisely, my left shin hurts. I know I was taking steps way too big for me. Today I tried to fix it for most of my walk but I think I picked up again at the end. I did get rid of the pain in my shoulder and the stitch in my side -- neither of which I mentioned before.
On every walk before I read my new Runners' magazine I had a terrible pain in my right shoulder by about half way. -- yes, heart attack crossed my mind-- but I know I'm not THAT out of shape and it stopped as soon as I would stop walking and start again when I started. I figured I was too tense in my shoulders and tried to relax but it didn't seem to work. I tried to flex my fingers and not make fists. The magazine recommended pressing your index finger into your thumb, making a circle. WOW it's unbelievable how well it worked. My shoulder hasn't bothered me since. It's amazing how much tension those fingers can absorb like that.

The stitch in my side was more annoying than anything else, but the magazine also said to pay attention to which foot was leading and to switch it. I have found that if I take a deeper, longer breath it tends to switch my foot and it works! WOOHOO!

Today's walk was nice. I went 2.95 km. I'm happy with that. I still get those urges to just run. But I'm holding back. I want to be in the right place before I start running again.

I saw a commercial yesterday -- it was legal tv, I promise -- for a new Powerade Zero. -- Sportsdrink, no calories. So today at Walmart I bought some, of course they only had Grape and Strawberry. Tonight I tried the grape, it is thankfully "watered down". Not nearly as potent as I feared it might be. whew. It came in a 32 oz bottle, so 1/2 will be back in the fridge for tomorrow.

I think I've spent enough time on the computer today. I'm going to go get a shower, some ice, and start reading my new book and actually go to bed early!!!

Day 7 - Biggest Loser 30-Day JumpStart

Well, I haven't read the book yet, but I'm already guilty. Twice. I had a sheetz breakfast sandwich and had Arby's for dinner. =(

Ok the book says we should clean out our pantries and get rid of the bad stuff. I can't exactly do that - as they are not exactly mine to do things with. I've decided that maybe someday in the near future we will have a "family meeting" and MAYBE I'll get mom on board for real. We'll see. But part of my goal is to go to bed earlier. I need 8 hours. So I'm going to go watch Jeopardy with my parents and then go to bed.

Today was a REST day for exercise - and much needed too -- my shins are bothering me a bit (well my left one anyway)

Goodnight!!

Day 6 - Biggest Loser 30-Day JumpStart

Today's advice is about taking baby steps, Not getting overwhelmed by the size of the task or workout ahead of you. I think I'm ok with this aspect, being as this is nothing new for me.

I guess I should report on how I'm doing as far as some of my goals. One of the things I've wanted to do is spend more "non tv" time with my parents. Saturday I spent most of the day finishing Angels and Demons -- but in the evening I spent some time in the garage helping dad organize and move stuff. And today Mom and I went to see Angels & Demons. Ok I know it's very similar to watching tv, but somehow going to a movie is different. it is.
Day 6- Exercise
It was such a beautiful day that I decided to go for more than usual. I did my regular 30 minutes, but then continued for another 40 minutes. The second half was much more casual, I even hiked off trail a little bit. I ended up going over 6 km.

While I was walking I had two very large realizations. (both of which I had already known, but they hit me especially strong today.)
The first was I WANT TO BE A RUNNER. I read my new Runner magazine last night and I realize I want to be one of the people they talk about. One of the people who can just go out for runs when they feel like it. The ones who make running look so easy. The ones who can race every weekend. I want to run. I want to run fast. (but I have NO intention of running for LONG distances, I don't foresee any marathons in my future) 5ks seem just the right size. Of course I reserve the right to change my mind as I become a better runner :) I'm not sure exactly how to become a runner. I'm certain that losing weight will be a key issue. With less weight to cart around, I imagine it will be easier to run. I'm also working on increasing my stamina right now. A few times today I had the urge to JUST RUN, instead of walking. But I'm keeping to this regimen. I'm not letting myself run until I am satisfied of my success walking this distance. I want the urge to run to be rewarded properly, by me being able to run for more than 1/4 mile at a time.
The second realization (again, nothing new) was that I WANT TO BE SKINNY. I don't just want to be healty and fit. I want to be thin. I want to be tiny. When I get married, I want my husband to CARRY me over the threshold. I want to wear whatever I want -- and for it to look good.
I remember way back when... I was filling out some questionnaire, probably part of one of those chain emails we used to get (before Facebook did it for us) and it asked which actor or actress you would want to play you in your autobiographical film. I remember choosing Claire Danes. Now mind you this was WAY back - when she was in My So Called Life. I remember choosing her because she was ordinary. I could relate to her, yet she was a star in Hollywood. I felt that I wasn't setting my sights TOO high. I wouldn't want to choose Jennifer Aniston or Tiffani Amber Thiessen. No, I thought Claire Danes was a good, safe choice. (I also liked her character in the show)
About 2 or 3 years ago I watched The Family Stone. (A great movie set around Christmas, if you haven't seen it -- bring your tissues) There was a scene in it that resonated with me to a depth I couldn't imagine. In that scene I saw WHO I WANTED TO BE. I saw the exact vision of how I saw myself when I was skinny. I saw the kind of person I would be. I saw the type of clothes I would wear (at least to lounge around in -- they're PJs). I saw the type of hair I wanted. I saw the kind of activities I would do (reading a book) - and how I would look doing them. I want that image so bad... I can taste it. and I find the most ironic part that the actress PLAYING that role was... yep.. you guessed it... Claire Danes. Of course since no one else sees significance in this scene, I couldn't find the picture on the internet, so I have a picture taken with my cell phone, of my computer screen.. of the movies. Please forgive the quality.
Please don't misread what I've said. I do not have some lofty unattainable goal that I want to BE Claire Danes. In fact it is more her ROLE that I wish to be than her at all. This image is just the ideal I have in mind, it is my motivation... it is the place I want to get to.
As I look at this picture out of context, (not in the movie) it's kind of hard to get the true picture. But I don't think this to be an unreasonable goal.