52 Weeks....to the Real Me

07.12.2009

But First... some exercise news.

So I spent the first 4 hours of the day preparing for my math test (tomorrow). Then I rushed to the golf course, leaving my cell phone (!!) and hat ball mark behind! I really wasn't running late, but I felt rushed anyway. As I was scurrying to my cart I heard a familiar voice call my name (more about this later). So here's the interesting part, once I got settled on the cart I needed to run into the clubhouse to wet my towel (helps me keep my clubs clean). I LITERALLY ran... it was fun. I felt motivated to jog a little then I took the steps 2 at a time. It's been a LONG time (maybe never) since I just had that kind of energy.
Then just as they are about to set us off to our holes (it was a shotgun start) I realized we didn't have a blanket for the seat. (we were riding -- and the seats are vinyl - they can be uncomfortable in the sun) so I RAN.. yes really... jogged the WHOLE WAY to my car. I would estimate it to be at least 200m if not more. I even ran most of the way back. It was EASY. It felt natural. I didn't feel like a big bafoon blopping across the parking lot.
Unfortunately my golf came was a late arriver. It appeared on about hole 12. But-- our team came in third at 5 under. (not bad for having 2 bogeys!)
I came home... did only my mandated 35 burpees and finished studying my math.

Ok the good stuff. - the stuff I need advice about.

ISSUE 1
Remember that "familiar voice" that called my name? I'm confused. Last summer I met a guy. We golfed together. We had fun. As the fall arrived we started hanging out on the weekends. Movies. Drinks. "Bonfires." More golf outings. Parties. etc. Nothing ever "happened" but I did have a bit of a crush on him. We were even supposed to golf in our golf league together this year. Things were going great. I thought, anyway. Then all of a sudden (as of Nov 1) he quit talking to me. Just quit. The end. I texted a him a few times. Occasionally he'd text back. I had actually found him a little something for Christmas... he did text me a thank you while we were texting about bluray players. Then nothing again.... nothing until TODAY. Well actually, I texted him a few weeks ago to tell him about an upcoming concert I knew he'd want to see. When I heard that voice call, I looked and couldn't believe it. Here he was. At the golf course (not the one we golfed at together) Shook my hand, gave me half a hug, asked how I was, said he got my text about the concert and that he and few of his buddies were going. (but of course, I had to go get ready to golf so that was the end of the conversation.) So my confusion is this. First - why quit talking to me all of a sudden like that? Then... ok so that's the way it is.. fine... why say hi? why not let me just go about my business, it wasn't like I even knew he was there? (he looked better than ever too, I might add.) If anyone has any possible explanation for this behavior I'm really curious.

Of course the complete irony is that on the way to the course I was thinking about him. And how I liked him in much the same way I liked Luke (my ex-boyfriend) We started out having fun, being friends, and then I started to "like them." Which to me is a warning sign that they are just meant to be friends. I was thinking that maybe I only THOUGHT I liked him, but really that's what friends are. Of course, seeing him... I remember how CUTE he is! and that smile.. but anyway... he engages in some bad habits that I disapprove of -- the biggest of which is smoking. bleh.

ISSUE 2
Ok... so as I was pondering my past relationships and interactions with various people I must include the newest guy. I don't want to give away too many details but here's what I know. I've said very few words to this guy and I feel like a complete and utter idiot when I do. I never know what to say. I've found myself in his immediate proximity and become a completely bashful fool. The other day, he was in my personal space (not that I minded) but he seemed to stay there -- not saying a word either. Not necessarily looking at me or anything... just there RIGHT next to me. I don't know what to make of these feelings. I mean for those of you who know me well (or who can judge me properly from my blog) know I'm not very often at a loss for words... yet can't even imagine what to say to him. I just learned his name last week (and that's about all I know). Any advice? Could he be interested?
I will say that I know he's seen me at my worst -- a complete sweaty mess from working out-- I also think he's significantly younger than me (but out of college!) But that doesn't REALLY matter does it?

Please help.

Oh yeah. I was also thinking today (and I didn't even have long car rides today!!) that I'm really truly beginning to feel like the person I WANT to be. I think back to who I was 5 years ago, 3 years ago, even just a year ago, and I'm amazed. I don't even feel or think those ways anymore. I like it. (and I give major props to Luke for putting up with me through my extreme relationship naivete, I really had no clue.)

Sorry I have no pics for today. Although-- I would have had an awesome of two little white tail deer fawns playing on the golf course -- but since I had forgotten my camera as well as my phone... I just have the mental image. :(

Day 22- Biggest Loser 30-day JumpStart

According to the Biggest Loser, (and common sense) it is important to take time to "replenish your soul." They suggest writing letters, playing with pets, reflecting on the great things about your day, etc.
I believe that blogging is one way for me to do this. It makes me stop and reflect on my day, my journey, my progress, MY LIFE. I know I don't take enough time for myself and I'm going to start. I will allow myself to indulge in things I LIKE to do -- the things I forget that I like to do -- like being outdoors, hiking, photographing things, golfing (more on this in a minute), playing Sims, playing on the Wii. I will not be slave to the world anymore, I will make time to have fun. (and fun can be exercise too!) 18 holes golfing -- using a riding cart, can still burn OVER 1000 CALORIES! (9 holes walking will burn approx 660!!) but that doesn't feel like a workout - I like to golf!

Exercise Day 22-
Today I went golfing. My walk this morning didn't happen. We tee'd off at 10:30 ish and finished at 4:30 -- that's about 6 hours of sunshine, exercise, and FUN! I also umm.. ALMOST had a hole in one. For those of you in the area... that's Mill Creek South #7, 138 yards, 6 iron. (and YES, I made the putt!)

I also helped Dad unload a bunch of stuff from the trailer and haul it to the curb (and the back patio) --heavy stuff, too, I might add.

Burpees Day 7-
Whew. A whole week. 28 Burpees. 7 today, this is getting tougher. I was in a full sweat by the time I was done. But I am noticing difference in my body already! Thanks Ben!!

Day 14 - Biggest Loser 30-Day Jumpstart
MEMORIAL DAY
I spent the ENTIRE day with family (just not my parents, I've seen them for about 20 minutes today). I went golfing with 6 of my relatives, then to a picnic with several more. In addition to golf I watched a game of basketball, football, and pigs. Then we made a bonfire and watched the basketball hoop fall over -- yep-- completely rusted! Luckily no one was actually playing at the time. (they were trying to adjust the height)

Golf - I did ok today for it being my first day out. I shot a 45 and 48 for a total of 93. I had a few pars (4) and a few double bogeys (about 4). Not bad. I need to practice a few more times before the "Little Brown Jug" competition in June 6-7

I'm not much in the mood to write tonight, so I'll leave this short. Hope everyone had a nice Memorial Day.
--
Hunger. They suggest a scale of hunger (from 1 to 7) and suggest that at all times you (I) stay between 3 and 5. I can say that today I experienced both a 3 and a 5. (and the 4 in between) In fact just recently I had thought about having another "meal" but decided that I wasn't THAT hungry and settled for a bag of (100 calorie) popcorn.

Day 14- Exercise
Today was a rest day, however I played 18 holes of golf today. (I did ride in a cart though) However I logged over 10,000 steps on the golf course alone -- and I was RIDING!!